Watching Boys Play A Game
by HilaryHilary
Summary: Nathan's life revolves around coaching the latest generation of Ravens. But the only thing that keeps him going, and the only thing left of a once promising future, is the memory of his true love. Naley.
1. Back to the Beginning

**Watching Boys Play a Game

* * *

**

Author's note: Be forewarned. This is completely unlike any story I've ever written. In a good way, I think. And special thanks go out to Davis, who has been waiting patiently for this once since last summer, and to Ange, who helped me rework the plot one afternoon a few weeks ago.

* * *

Chapter One: Back to the Beginning

**_December 3rd, 2020, Tree Hill High School, Tree Hill North Carolina_**

Nathan awoke as he always did, by the incessant beeping of his alarm clock seeping into his dreams. In his childhood, the beeping had bothered him. It seemed like that or his mother's calls had always broken off the very best part of the dream, the part he could never quite reach. Now the beeping was a relief, as it always shut off his most private thoughts. In the daylight, he could pretend that they did not exist.

Trying to shake off the life he lived in his dreams, the life with her, he wandered into his kitchen, started the coffee machine and put a bagel in the toaster. It was a nice routine. Easy. Safe. Contained. He wandered to his front porch and picked up the paper, shielding his eyes from the porch swing, trying to forget the happy couple that had once spent time on it, dreaming their dreams.

He let out a short, cynical laugh of disbelief. Once, when he was younger, he'd promised himself he'd never grown old to be old and cynical, like his father.

As he wandered back into the kitchen, he poured himself a cup of coffee from the freshly brewed pot, and added two sugars and a splash of cream. This wasn't his way. It was her way. Somewhere along the line he'd given up on his ways. It had stopped mattering completely, how he drank his coffee, which side of the bed he slept on, what heigh he liked his wheeling desk chair at. She'd taken over his life. He wished she still would.

He poured himself another cup of coffee, this time into a travel mug and left the house, not bothering to wait for the other occupants of the house to awaken. He was pathetic. He'd known it for years.

He tried to ignore the sympathetic eyes of the staff as he walked into Tree Hill High School, and the interested eyes of half the juniors he passed. Tree Hill High had inadvertently become everywhere to him. In its walls he'd fallen in love, gotten his heart broken, lost his heart's desire forever. In its walls, he'd been born and died again.

Nathan blew impatiently on his whistle. He hoped he was Whitey, the strong, stern guiding force and not Dan the pushy, manipulative overly zealous dictator. He wasn't sure how to tell the difference.

The team had never changed. It now consisted of the sons of his teammates. Nathan reflected that his son should be there, leading the team, romancing some blonde on the cheerleading squad. His son never would be, as such as child could never come into existence. Not anymore.

He frowned as he noticed the boys staring at him and laughing, obviously having noticed his obvious reverie. He quickly assigned them another set of sprints, hoping it would distract them well enough to keep him from being caught, and to heal his wounded pride.

It hadn't always been this way. Once, a lifetime ago, he'd been different. He'd been the best. He'd had everything. He'd had more than an ignorant boy like him could have ever fully appreciated.

But most of all, he'd had her.

* * *

**_June 21st, 2006, Tree Hill United Church, North Carolina_**

_"Nate, you're on in one hour and I've never seen you looking less ready," said Brooke Davis, bouncing in to the room. She twirled around, flaunting her stylish, completely un cliched bridesmaid's dress._

_"You look great too," he said sarcastically. He looked nervously down at the littering of pieces of notebook paper on the floor, scattered around him._

_"What the hell are you doing?" she asked in surprise._

_"Uh, writing my vows," he said._

_"Let me guess. Miss Bride of the Year 2005 decided that it would be romantic?" said Brooke, giggling. She moved in to tie the silk tie he was wearing._

_"Don't let me hear you repeating this, but it was half my idea. I thought it'd be easy," he said._

_"Why?"_

_"Because we've been together since middle school. You'd think I'd have sorted out my feelings by now," he said, staring down at his shoes, wishing he was talking to anyone but his fiancee's best-friend._

_"You'll know. The second you get to the alter you'll look into her eyes and the words will come to you and you'll..." Brooke stopped when she saw Nathan's sceptically raised eyebrows._

_"I'd rather go in with a script," he admitted._

_"Fine, have it your way," she said. Pulling away as she perfected the knot in his tie._

_Nathan half smiled as she ran out of the room and back to wherever the bride was getting changed. "Brooke?"_

_"Yes, loser?" she asked._

_"You look great."_

_His smile grew as he fished his phone out of his pocket and began to send off a text message._

_He was still staring glumly at the pages when the door creaked open. He glanced up, expecting to see Lucas with words of wisdom, or Dan with songs of praise._

_"Haley, what are you doing here?" he asked in amazement._

_"You texted me," she reminded him._

_"To say hi. Not to summon you. This is bad luck," he said. He breathed in sharply when he saw her in her dress with the wide, flowing skirt, the tight bodice that went into a small v at her waist and skimmed her breasts, hinting and not revealing at them. The skinny straps on her shoulders and her light brown hair swept elegantly onto her head. The delicate silver chain resting on her throat._

_"Damn, you look fine, Mr. Scott," she said, walking in and admiring his tux._

_"You look..." He tried to find an adjective to describe her, but found he could not think of any words at all. She twirled around and her skirt flew around her. She laughed, a sound and an image he would remember all his life._

_"What's wrong, baby?" she asked._

_"Nothing's wrong. Something was. Somehow I forget what..." as she approached him, he looped his arms around her waist and pulled her in to him._

_"Do you want me to help you remember?" she asked provocatively._

_"Vixen. Go back, I won't be marrying spoiled goods," he said teasingly._

_"Even if it was you that spoiled them? You're no fun," said Haley._

_His hand curled around her slim waist, feeling the swell of her hips and the curve of her backside._

_"I'll see you soon," he said firmly. She rolled her eyes and backed out. He loved that she didn't confrom to ridiculous wedding day traditions. He loved that she looked so incredible in her wedding dress. He loved that instead of replying to his text message with a simple "hi", she'd come to check on him._

_But most of all, he loved that it was her he was marrying._

_As he came in through side door to the already filled church, he wondered if anyone would have noticed if he hadn't showed. The day was so clearly about her. He wanted it to be about her. He wanted to give her her day._

_The organ music swelled dramatically. Somehow without him noticing, Brooke and Peyton had both made it halfway up the aisle. Nathan glanced sideways at his brother and grinned, and then to his father, who sent him an approving fatherley look._

_Haley appeared around the corner wearing her dress, her make up touched up, her face covered by a thin gossamer veil. She clutched a small bouquet of white roses. Against the dramatic background of hardwood and stained glass windows, she looked infinitely pure._

_Everyone stood. Nathan let out a breath he hadn't released he'd been holding. She walked slowly, as if savouring the moment. Her father walked proudly beside her, happy to be giving his daughter to the man who'd always loved her._

_He slowly walked toward them as they reached the end of the aisle. Jimmy lifted her veil and brushed it behind her before kissing her cheek. Nathan offered his hand to her, and she took it. They approached the alter, and he gave it a gentle squeeze. Her hand was cold. He hoped her feet were not._

_Nathan looked sideways at her and winked, noticing her pale face. She smiled slowly and squeezed his hand in turn as the officiator began to speak._

_Haley took a deep breath before speaking._

_"Nathan. I think when you asked me to marry me, I was surprised. Not because I didn't think you'd ask me, but because it seemed so pointless. I love you. I've always loved you. I've been your girl since I was seven years old, in some form or another. Marriage is nice. Standing here, in front of everyone that's ever mattered to me, swearing that I'll love you forever is nice. But you've always known that. And that's the only thing in the world that matters to me. That you know it."_

_The officiator turned to Nathan expectantly. He took a deep breath and began._

_"Haley, I didn't know how I was going to explain it to you. What about you that makes me lose my breath when you enter the room, what about me that can't get enough of you. I can't. I don't know if I ever could. But I think you know anyways. And I think you know why I asked you, Haley. It's not because I want you. My wanting you wouldn't get in the way of us being together, even if someday in the future I didn't. Because it's because I need you, Haley. Need you like I need oxygen. I love you more than life. I always will. And I think that's the only thing I do know how to say."_

_Haley's eyes shone with tears and looking at Nathan, she was almost certain that his were too. She smiled softly as he pushed the ring on to her finger._

_Not bothering to listen to the final line, she launched herself in to his arms. He held her almost in disbelief as they kissed, passionately, even innappropriately in front of a room full of friends. He lifted her off the ground until their faces were level and kissed harder. At the crowd's laughter, she blushed and he set her down.

* * *

Haley giggled in delight as she and Nathan entered their small house._

_"Damn, you and your skirt barely fit through," he grumbled._

_"Nate, I could have walked. You'll probably drop me. And it's not like we fulfilled all the other insane traditions, anyway," she said._

_"Drop you? You way about ten pounds," he said._

_"Do not. Anyway, why are you still carrying me? Planning on having your way with me in the bedroom?" she asked._

_"Always."_

_He lifted her higher into his arms and walked in to the bedroom. She cast an admiring glance at the new bedspread she'd bought, and the colour they'd painted, the only one at the store they could agree on._

_She smiled as he gently lay her on the bed like a porcelain doll liable to break at any moment. He knew she was not, but she couldn't make herself resent the way he desired to protect her. She couldn't help that it turned her on. Just a little._

_Shakily he observed her, lying on her back on the bed, her wedding dress still around her. He sat down on the edge and lifted her upper body into his arms. He kissed her, willing that his kiss would guide them into the plane of something they'd never quit experienced._

_Her hands moved up to his tie, and she slowly tugged out the carefully tied knot before reaching around him to shed the jacket he wore. His hands quickly moved to the straps of her dress, brushing kisses on her bare skin as he did so. His hands blindly sought the almost invisible zipper and he tugged it down, his fingers brushing the length of her spine as her fingers hurriedly unbottoned his shirt._

_As he shed his shirt and she began to place kisses on his broad, muscled chest, he pulled her back up to capture her lips. His hand mingled in with her hair and he released it from its high place on her head until it tumbled down her back. She slid out of her dress after he tugged down the bodice, and pushed it off the bed. He examined the lingerie she was wearing, that which she'd specifically bought with Brooke and Peyton at Victoria Secret the previous week. He swallowed and felt his erection swell as he saw her breasts spilling out of her bustier._

_As he entered her, she breathed in sharply and dug her fingernails into his back. This was it. This was their joining, their union. The ceremony had been nice, but nothing more than a formality. They didn't need a church to tell them what they already knew. That they belonged to each other. That they always would._

* * *

**_December 3rd, 2020, Tree Hill High School, Tree Hill North Carolina_**

Nathan shook himself out of his reverie and jogged down the main hallway of Tree Hill High to reach his office. He nodded respectfully at the picture of Brian Durham on the wall, as he'd always done. He purposefully ignored the wall of valedictoreans, as he'd always done. It had become a habit in his long years of blocking out his past.

He sunk gratefully into his desk chair and buried his head in his hands. The memories were too close. He needed to drift away from them again.


	2. This Darkness

**Chapter Two: This Darkness

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**

Author's note: There is one thing - actually, a couple of things, that I should probably make clear. First of all, this story is told mainly in flashbacks, not all of which are chronological order. Please try to take notes of the dates, they'll make everything much less confusing.

* * *

**_  
_**

**_December 3rd, 2020, Tree Hill High School, Tree Hill North Carolina_**

Nathan paused before entering his calculus class. He hated substituting. It was demeaning, as if his own job didn't fulfill enough hours or enough influence to count as a real job. It was why he was constantly shunted between the rest of the grades, supervising them, pretending he cared whether or not they did their work.

He glanced around the classroom in desdain. It hadn't changed since his high school days. The same scratched wooden desks, the same plastic blue chair. The same round globe, which still included the USSR and Constantinople. He paused at a window and looked down at the frame. Apparently, they hadn't been painted in ten years. His eyes grazed the initails he knew he'd find: HJ + NS. He realized with a jolt that they'd made out in this classroom, on the table by the window. He wondered how many others had. But he didn't really care.

He thought back to the day he'd envisioned during basketball practise. Their wedding. June of 2006. It had been the best day of his life. Nothing had ever come close. He could still smell the flowers. He could still envision her in front of him, her dress swirling around her, spinning carelessly. It was the image of her that he'd carry to his grave.

He loved her. He always would. But for so many reasons, they could never again be together. He would have to accept substites for the rest of his life.

The only thing he had were his memories. Some were better than others.  
_

* * *

**October 16th 2007, The Scott Residence, Tree Hill North Carolina**_

_"Nathan, I can't do this anymore. It's just too hard," she said in frustration. He folded his arms and leaned against the door._

_"What do you want me to do, beg you to stay?" he asked coolly._

_"You know, once you would have. A long time ago, you'd have done anything you could to keep me with you," she said tragically._

_"Maybe."_

_"This wasn't supposed to be so hard, Nathan. Why isn't it enough? Why isn't that I love you enough for you?" she pleaded._

_"It's not enough for you, Haley. You keep drifting away," he accused._

_"Maybe it was because I was sure I could count on you to pull me back to shore," she suggested._

_"Maybe I forgot how."_

_"Nathan, I need you to love me. I need to remember how to love you. Can't you remind you? Why, Nathan? Can't you show me? You always could," she said. He scoffed._

_"Do you really think that's going to work? Do you really think that having angry makeup sex will cure us?" he asked._

_"No. Because I don't know what's wrong with us," she said simply._

_He stared at her for a second. At the dark shadows under her brown eyes, at the pale, almost pallid state of her once clear, shining face. Her hair, now dyed blonde, tied tightly into a knot at the back of her head. Her shirt, black and simple, contrasted eerily with her almost white skin._

_He remembered his memories of Haley, with her blushes and laughter. Had he done this to her?_

_With the horror of this thought, he crossed the room in three strides and crushed her tiny body in to his arms and hugged her tightly. She gasped as if in releif and clung to him, her husband, her lover, her soulmate._

_"We'll see it through, Hales," he promised, kissing her hair._

_"We have to." She tilted her head back so their eyes met, and leaned up to kiss him. He responded feverishly and pulled her roughly up in to his arms. She wrapped her arms around his waist, relishing the feel of his ardent touch._

_Afterwards, he pulled the covers over his shoulders and turned away from her to face the wall. He couldn't help but remember the simpler times. He couldn't help but long for them. He remembered their first time. The first time for both of them. They'd been too young according to many, but it had been so right. Awkward, fumbling and slightly painful, but so right. He'd never regretted the opportunity to be so close to her, to feel her body against his._

_He managed to eventually doze off. He woke up hours later, surprised to be lacking her warm presence in the bed. Sitting up in a panic, he threw a dressing gown over his pajama pants and ran out into the hall._

_His heart rate calmed. She was on the small porch in the front of the house, swinging on the porch swing, pushing it slowly with her bare foot. He went out to sit beside her._

_"That didn't fix anything," she said. He nodded slowly._

_"I'm getting that impression."_

_"I don't know what it means."_

_"Does it mean you won't leave?" asked Nathan, looking sideways at her, trying to make out her face in the dark._

_"No."_

_"Where would you go, Haley? We've spent our lives together. We graduated last year. We never bothered to make bright futures for ourselves, I think we just figured that this would be enough."_

_"I'll think of something," she said._

_"I can't just talk about this as if we're talking about the weather. Would it be worth it to you? To leave forever, after only a year? Would it make you happy?"_

_"I don't know if I can stay with you, Nathan. You've changed so much. You're so cold to me. I don't know if you can still even let me in like you used to," she said. In the cold air, when she breathed out, he could see her breath._

_"I'm the same person. You've changed too," he reminded her._

_"Do you still love me?" she asked. She leaned in her head into his shoulder and seemed reassured when he pressed his lips to her hair._

_They sat in silence. Their arms slowly wound around each other, comforted by their familiar forms. Nathan wondered if they could be so familiar, and at the same time so intense and passionate. He wondered if the two feelings could coexist._

_"I'd go to New York. I have a friend who I could stay with, from school, and she'd help me find a job. Who knows. I might even try to get gigs," she said._

_"I could..."_

_"No, you couldn't. I think I have to do some things alone," she said._

_"But you don't want to."_

_"Yeah. I don't think I want to leave you, either."_

_Nathan returned quickly home from work the next evening, fairly certain that he'd managed once again to avoid her departure. He wondered when he could make the next step, and actively work at making things work between them again._

_"Haley?"_

_She looked up guiltily when he came up the driveway to find her sister Taylor's car parked in the driveway, several suitcases loaded in to the trunk. Taylor paused at the door of the house and moved backward, away from the inevitable scene._

_"Where are you going? We're going to work things out," he said quickly._

_"I don't think we can, Nathan. We've got to stop holding on to the past."_

_"But that's why we got married. To hold on," he said._

_"Not like this. I feel so desperate, Nathan. I can't live like that." This she said with a tone of finality. He wished he could reach for her, delay her a little bit longer, prolong their painful existence._

_"You don't believe that."_

_"I don't know what I believe," said Haley. The sun caught her left hand, and he noticed that she was still wearing her ring. She dropped her hand, but did not twist it off or return it to him._

_Taylor slowly walked out of the house and climbed into the driver's seat, avoiding making contact with her brother-in-law. Haley slowly walked toward the car and gripped the handle until her knuckles turned white. Nathan stared at her, not willing himself to move toward her._

_With shaking hands, she pulled open the door and stepped in._

_He walked in to the house. This was a scene that he could not bare to see._

_

* * *

**December 3rd, 2020, Tree Hill High School, Tree Hill North Carolina**_

This wasn't the worst of it. Not quite. Though he hadn't believed it at the time, there had been many worse days than that. Worse than her leaving without a backward glance. Some days, that day seem almost easy.

He'd never believed it. Even the next morning when he woke up without her. And the next night, when he went to sleep alone, and had all the hot water for his shower that he could desire. And the next month, when they cut off the electricity because he forgot to pay the bill without her. Even then, it didn't sink in, that she was gone. Some days he still expected her to be there when he rounded a corner, or glanced over his shoulder. Some days he still expected to see her, hair loose around her shoulders, smiling only at him. Some other days, he was sure he did see her.

As his door opened, he looked up in surprise. He frowned when one of the Varsity ball players entered and sank into the chair in front of the desk.

"What are you doing here, Harrison?" he asked in annoyance.

"Principal sent me. I got caught making out with Cherie in the hall," he said.

"I don't care particularly," he said.

"What, you were never in love with a cheerleader in high school?" asked Harrison jokingly. Nathan glared at him.

"Get out. Give me a hundred pushups today in practise and I can get Turner to write it off," said Nathan. He wondered why it mattered. Teenagers would make out even if punished, even if forbidden. There was really nothing they could do about it all.

As he left the room, he stopped short at the door. Nathan glanced up to see a brunette woman, seeking entry.

"Oh. Sorry," said Harrison apoligetically.

"No problem, I'm just here to see your coach," she said. Harrison nodded and left at a run.

Nathan glanced up, his blue eyes cold.

"What are you doing here?" he asked.

She stared at him for a moment, wishing instantly that she knew what had brought him so far down.


	3. Maybe I'm Amazed

**Chapter Three: Maybe I'm Amazed

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**

Author's note: This is my favourite of the chapters so far, and also calls back to the whole "I've been your girl since I was seven" line of the first chapter. And I'd like to thank you all for the reviews. One more thing. I've been asked a lot about a sequel to AWR. I'm considering it. I'm not sure when, but it's a definite possibility. If I can think of enough plotlines before I have to write it, I'll do it. Thanks for your support.

* * *

**_December 3rd 2020, Tree Hill High School, Tree Hill, North Carolina_**

She hovered awkwardly, waiting for the prompt that did not come. He raised his eyebrows.

"What are you doing here?" he asked again.

"I didn't think I needed a reason." She took several hesitant steps in to the office. "You left the house this morning before I was awake."

"Had places to be," said Nathan.

"Where? Here, teaching high school kids? That's all your life is. It should be more, Nathan," she said.

"Don't talk about things you don't understand."

She stared at him for a second, shocked in to silence.

"I want to understand. Tell me something. Anything. Please. I came too late, I missed all of it. Everyone understands but me. I was in love in high school but I got over it," she begged.

"There's nothing to tell."

He rose and walked to the window. Their eye contact broke and he stared out at the courtyard, at students milling around, standing close together to ward off the chill that was beginning to surround them.

"I always thought you'd get past it. I never thought you'd be the type to live your life in the past," she said sadly. He turned to face her.

"I'm not."

"You are. You know you are. Tell me the past. Let it out. Let me help you," she said.

Nathan bit back the comment that came to his lips, that he didn't want her help. Instead he wandered back to his desk and wondered how to tell her where it had all begun.  
_

* * *

**May 8th, 1994, Tree Hill, North Carolina**_

_It was her song that alerted him of her presence._

_Slowly he became aware of an intruder in his special place, his secret hideout. He glanced around him surruptiteously and grabbed a rock, telling himself he was prepared to defend himself._

_"Who's there?" he asked, his childish voice high and nervous. Her singing stopped, and he found himself missing it._

_"Just me," she called back. Her voice was shakey._

_"Who are you?"_

_Behind him, he heard a small thud on the hard packed dirt. He turned around quickly and eyed the figure that had fallen obviously out of the tall tree beside her._

_She was significantly smaller than him, but her face and eyes placed her to be about his age. Her hair was messily loose around her shoulders, and light brown in colour. She was wearing denim overalls and a red and white striped shirt. He glanced back up at her face and was struck by her eyes. Usually eyes didn't register with him, but her big, brown soulful eyes left an impression that he would never fully recover from._

_She stared back almost challengingly, at his muddy blue jeans and the hodded sweatshirt he wore, his own blue eyes and the hard look on his face._

_"Who are you?" she asked, her voice firmer._

_"I asked you first."_

_She glared at him for a moment, her hands on her hips._

_"Haley Elise James," she said finally. He stepped forward cautiously._

_"Nathan Scott. What are you doing here?"_

_Haley glanced around, at the flowing river sligthly below them, the muddy bank beside it, and the ring of trees around them that gave them a sense of being inclosed._

_"Free country."_

_"This is my place. I've been coming here for two years," he said, as if challenging her._

_She narrowed her eyes. She'd only just escaped from the frenzy of her home, and now someone was telling her that she couldn't be here, the only place she could find to be alone?_

_"So what? Now it's my place, so you'd better back off," she said._

_"Will not."_

_"Will too."_

_"Maybe we could make a system. Like..." he surged on despite her scowl. "I could come here tomorrow, and then you can have it the day after."_

_She cocked her head to one side, contemplating this._

_"Fine. Deal."

* * *

_

**_December 3rd 2020, Tree Hill High School, Tree Hill North Carolina_**

Nathan glanced up in irritation when he realized he'd been interrupted.

"So you became friends?" she asked, almost smiling. He shook his head.

"No. We've never been friends."

_

* * *

**May 10th 1994, Tree Hill, North Carolina**_

_As Haley heard a twig snap, she jumped up in alarm. Nathan noted immediately that she was covered in mud and her hair was covered under a baseball cap._

_"What are you doing here? You were supposed to be here yesterday," she reminded him._

_"I forgot," he said, lying unconvincingly._

_Rolling her eyes, she dropped back down to the ground and immersed herself once again in the book she was carrying. He leaned against the tree and began to throw a tennis ball up into the air and catching it, again and again as the afternoon wore on._

_Haley left as the sun began to set, at around six. She glanced around her shoulder to see him still there, staring down into the river. She wondered what was keeping him from going home, but she didn't dare ask._

_She was there the next day. And the next, and every day for the next year. Slowly, without many words passing between them, they grew to know each other. They never spoke a word to each other at school, or anywhere else, but by themselves, in their secret place, they grew together._

_Suddenly it stopped. At the beginning of sixth grade, more than a year after their initial meeting, she abruptly stopped coming. She began to hang around the new boy, Lucas Scott. Slowly he began to realize that she'd learned a new side of him, one she found much more distasteful._

_By the time seventh grade started, they were no longer a part of each other's lives._

_He remembered the first time he'd seen her in seventh grade. He hadn't seen her all summer, and in all honesty had barely thought of her since then. It was the first day of junior high and he was walking through the halls, glad to have found a new, more elevated social scene to dominate._

_And he'd seen her._

_It had just been for the barest instant. He'd come to the end of the hall, looking for a classroom and had all but collided with her, coming out of the tutoring centre._

_He hadn't registered her for a second. For a moment she was just another new girl. Then he glanced into her eyes, and remembered. And realized suddenly that over the summer, she'd... developed. Through her cotton shirt he could see the beginnings of woman-like curves. Her face had changed, becoming less round. He remembered the fascination they'd once shared and never spoken aloud._

_"Haley," he said, trying out the unfamiliar name on his tongue._

_"Nathan." Her voice was steadier. She wasn't alarmed by him, even if he did rule the school. She was stronger than she'd been._

_They stared at each other for a moment, as if amazed that somehow their almost relationship had come back to them._

_"Haley!" Haley's eyes instantly darkened in guilt when she saw Lucas running down the hall toward her. She manufactered a smile for him._

_Nathan and Lucas met eyes and looked away instantly._

_After Nathan had darted back down the hall to avoid them, he stopped and peered around a corner to watch their interaction. Lucas looked suprised and upset, but Haley barely looked disturbed. Which, as Nathan forced himself to be reminded of, was the case. They'd been sort of friends for a year, years ago. Obviously she'd forgotten it._

_He didn't know what drew him to the river that evening. To their special place in the valley below the town. Somehow his feet drew him there after school. Somehow he knew she'd be there as well. Somehow, incredibly, she was._

_He stared at her until she glanced down at her shoes and unconcsiously tucked a strand of hair behind her ear. She looked up at him once again to catch his slowly blossoming smile._

_"You came back," he said eventually. For an instant she felt like she'd never lef the indescribable haven they'd silently made for each other._

_"Everything's been so crazy, with junior high starting. I guess I couldn't handle it. I needed to escape for a bit," she explained, glancing around._

_"Yeah. I know what you mean. I haven't been here in years."_

_She looked up at him and smirked, knowing it was a lie._

_"But I guess I though you'd want to escape with Lucas?" he asked. She looked at him and noticed that they'd gravitated toward each other and were only inches apart. She craned her neck up. He was very tall._

_"Nathan," she began. He smiled at the sound of her saying his name, at the joy it gave him that he could not understand. "I don't want to talk about Lucas."_

_His smile turned into a grin, and his blue eyes sparkled. He opened his mouth to say something._

_Gathering her courage, she leaned up and pressed a kiss to his startled lips. As his shocked eyes met hers, she realized the implications of what she'd done, and took off._

_Nathan gingerly touched his fingers to his mouth. She tasted sweet, like cherries. And she gave him a different feeling, one he couldn't begin to describe._

* * *

**_December 3rd 2020, Tree Hill High School, Tree Hill, North Carolina_**

Nathan stopped talking for a second, realizing he'd been interrupted.

"So you got together?" she asked, looking less happy now, and more resigned.

"No. But everything changed."  
_

* * *

**October 14th 1994-1995, Tree Hill Junior High School, Tree Hill, North Carolina**_

_Nathan couldn't explain it._

_Somehow everything was different, but the words would never come to him. Every time she was around, he could sense her. Every time they met eyes, something would go through him. Every time he remembered her lips on his, he couldn't help but smile._

_He kissed other girls. Many of them. No one was the same. These rushed, wet kisses often involving tongue didn't even measure up to the warm kiss she'd given him the last day she'd spoken to him._

_It was as if his entire state of being changed. As if suddenly he woke up in the morning with purpose, and suddenly knew precisely how to live his life. In short it was that day, in their valley, with a few words and a quick touch, that their lives changed forever._

_Every time he'd see her walking down the halls with Lucas, she'd give him the same look. The look that told him that she loved him better, or at least liked him better. The look that told him that she'd give up Lucas in a second for him, to continue their relationship of sorts. Or whatever it was._

_Whenever Lucas and Nathan would pass each other in the hallways, they'd scowl as they never before. Every day Lucas realized to the full extent of how thoroughly he'd lost Haley to him. He needed Haley. He loved Haley. He knew it, and Nathan did not._

_And so grade seven passed in to grade eight._

_Nathan was running. Running like he'd never done before, but he didn't know why. The force pulling him was too strong, and he had to give in to it._

_Haley looked up at him in surprise when he arrived, through her long eyelashes. She'd grown out of her overalls. She was dressed like she should. Better than that._

_She slid her hand in to his as he approached, and they both smiled. She opened her mouth to say the only words that applied._

_"You came back."

* * *

**December 3rd 2020, Tree Hill High School, Tree Hill, North Carolina**_

"And then they got together," said Nathan with a note of finality.

"Why aren't they together still?" she asked.

Nathan sighed and shifted his gaze to the desk. She nodded, understanding that she wasn't about to get more information. Knowing that this was more than she'd managed to obtain in years. Knowing that underneath it all, he really didn't want to tell her anything. She was intruding. She would forever be an outsider.

Nathan waited for her to ask the obvious question.

"Do you still love her?"


	4. Even Angels Fall

**Chapter Four: Even Angels Fall**

**

* * *

**Author's note: This chapter ended up in a different place than I intended, so sorry if it seems kind of off. I'm not so sure about this one, but it's background information that's important to the story. Thanks for reviewing. Love you guys.

* * *

**_December 3rd 2020, Tree Hill High School, Tree Hill, North Carolina_**

Nathan got up and walked to the door, preparing to exit. He stopped and dropped his hand, and made a half step back toward her.

"The story's not over," he said warningly.

She glanced at him, her dark eyes slightly wet.

"I'd been getting that impression," she said.

"Why? Why does it matter?" he demanded.

"Because you need to get past it, Nathan," she said passionately.

Nathan shook his head in disgust. As if he could. As if he could ever truly get over her.

* * *

**_23rd August 2019, Tree Hill Cemetary, Tree Hill, North Carolina_**

_The day, like his life had once been, was laughably cliché._

_As Deborah Lee Scott was lowered in to the ground, rain poured down, forming puddles in the grass and turning dirt into mud. Peyton's curls fell straight, Lucas' suit quickly became soaked in the pouring rain._

_Dan watched regretfully, from a distance. He'd betrayed her. Not as wholey as he'd done to Nathan, who would never forgive him, but he had. He wished his conscience could clear. She hadn't exactly been an innocent._

_But lying in her coffin, dressed in a white dress, her hair done perfectly as Nathan knew it was, she certainly seemed like one._

_Slowly the crowd despersed, eager to get away from the rain and into the dry, where they could remember her in a more positive light._

_Lucas stayed behind as Nathan remained rooted in place, staring at the mound of dirt where his mother had once been. Nahtan shook his head, indicating that he could go, and after an awkward shoulder pat he left with Peyton._

_Finally alone, Nathan stared downward to remember. He remembered the mother who'd consoled him, who'd tended to his skinned knees. The mother who'd later been put aside to be replaced by a younger, newer version. Nathan forced this thought out of his head, and went back to memories of his mother._

_"It's over."_

_Nathan looked up, startled, when he heard the voice. A small wet figure stared back at him. She pushed back the hood of her raincoat to reveal long dark hair and shining dark eyes._

_"Yeah."_

_She stared down at the Earth for another long moment._

_"You're her son, aren't you?" asked the girl. He nodded._

_"Yeah. Nathan Scott."_

_"Caroline Stacey. Um, I lived above her when she moved to California. She was kind of like a mother to me," she explained. Nathan shook his head. Deb hadn't even been kind of a mother to him in later years. She'd been nothing. She hadn't even existed._

_"Are you okay?" he asked._

_"Why are you asking me that? She's your mom," she said incredulously._

_"Was."_

_"Is."_

_Nathan shook his head to clear it, and forced himself to see the woman in front of him as herself and not as the woman he wished he was with._

_

* * *

**December 3rd 2020, Tree Hill High School, Tree Hill, North Carolina**_

Nathan glanced up again, having reached an interval in his story.

"Why are you telling me this? I was there that day," she reminded him.

"You don't know all of it, Brooke."

"You seemed so alone. I never understood the extent of it. This is why?" she asked.

"Without her, I always am."

* * *

**_23rd August 2019, the home of Nathan Scott, Tree Hil, North Carolina_**

_Nathan wondered when it had happened. When in his life he had begun to be able to see women as objects that would come and go in his life, that could never really matter._

_Deep down, he knew. It had been the day she left him._

_Like the woman lying in his bed, supposedly just accepting shelter for the night. She was lonely. He alone. She'd do.  
_

_She would beone of many. He didn't like to think of it, how many women he'd had since the only one he could ever loved had left him._

_He looked up sharply when he heard a crash near the door. Sighing, he walked out of the room and looked to see who'd entered._

_"Oh, it's you. Hey."_

_Brooke Davis glanced up and smiled, a smile that reached her hazel eyes and dimples. It was a smile that could make even him smile in earnest._

_"Hey you." She walked closer to him, planted her hands on her hips and scrutinized his face. "Sorry I missed it."_

_"Seems like everyone did. How you doing?" he asked, wrapping his arms around her, smelling her hair and remembering the days when it had all been so simple._

_"Good. I had a show last week. Way to show up," she said accusingly. She led him to the couch and he sat down before pulling her on to his lap._

_"Sorry. I had things to do, Tigger," he explained regretfully._

_"Liar. You just haven't been able to get yourself out of Tree Hill since 2010," she stated simply._

_"Ouch, that's cold. Do you have to make me sound so pathetic?" he asked._

_"Do you have to be so pathetic?"_

_"You know sometimes I forget why I look forward to your visits so much," he joked._

_"You look forward to them. You do, because I'm the last link with the old world," she said, leaning her head on his chest._

_The old world. Had it ever really been simple?_

_"So, got room in this place for me?" she asked, her eyes closing slowly._

_"Nope. We're pretty much full to the brim," he said. She rolled her eyes._

_"You've got to stop taking in replacements, Nate. You've got to find the real thing again," she said._

_"Maybe the real thing's been in front of me all along," he said quietly._

_"Liar." Her voice was a whisper. He leaned forward, their lips met. Powerfully. They'd always wondered what this would be like, to feel again. Both of them had stopped so long ago. They needed it. But they couldn't have it._

_"You know who I have in the other room..." he reminded her, breaking off the kiss. She pushed him back onto the couch again._

_Or maybe they could._

* * *

**_December 3rd 2020, Tree Hill High School, Tree Hill, North Carolina_**

"I can't believe we did that," said Brooke, leaning back in her chair, remembering the events of only months ago.

"It worked."

"That girl, whatever happened to her?" she asked.

Nathan shrugged. Brooke shuddered slightly but tried to hide it.

"I don't know why you needed to tell me all that," she said.

"I don't know why I have to tell you any of it. You know, you were there," he reminded her.

"Not for the important stuff." She frowned, drifting off into her own reverie.

* * *

**_September 2nd, 2003, Tree Hill High School, Tree Hill, North Carolina_**

_Brooke Davis nervously straightened her skirt and threw back her head, meeting the curious gazes of the other students head on. Tightening her grip on the shoulder strap of her Prada backpack, she walked confidently into the school._

_Trying to ignore the interested stares of the many boys she passed and the envious, wary glances of the girls, she walked, pretending she knew where she was going, until she found a list of students and their locker numbers._

_"Hey," she said, smiling in earnest for the first time at the first boy who warranted himself a smile._

_"Oh. Hi," he said, looking instantly uncomfortable. And not interested, as she noted with disappointment._

_"Hey boyfriend! Or husband-to-be. Whatever," came a voice. The boy instantly smiled and put his arms around the brown haired girl that ran up to them. Brooke's eyes widened in surprise as the girl's cheerful demeanor vanished and she looked challengingly at her._

_"Hi. Sorry if I... I'm Brooke Davis," she said, introducing herself to both of them._

_"No problem. Haley James. And this is my boyfriend, Nathan Scott," said the girl, smiling again._

_"Fiance, actually. Nice to meet you, Brooke Davis," he said, sticking out his hand. Friendly now and not flirtatious, she shook it._

_"It's my first day," she explained._

_"Oh, it's our millionth. I'm Cheerleading Captain, and he's the Co-Captain of the Ravens," explained Haley._

_"Cheerleading?" asked Brooke, trying to swallow the lameness of this, yet noting that Haley was obviously well thought of in social circles._

_"Hey, small town girl," said Haley, seemingly reading her thoughts. Brooke smiled as Haleys' eyes lit up, and two more figures appeared._

_"Oh, good. Guys, this is Brooke Davis. Brooke this is my best friend Lucas, and my best girl Peyton," explained Haley, flinging herself at Lucas. Brooke took in a breath sharply as the tall, blue eyed, blond boy took her into his arms. Really, thisgirl had all the luck. Haley then moved toward Peyton and put an arm around her waist while Peyton's settled around her shoulders. Brooke smiled tentatively at the blonde. She was different from the rest of them. And judging by the blonde boy's gaze on her, he liked the discrepancy. Damn..._

_"Just in case you were wondering, I'm not usually anything like an Energizer bunny on Prozac," said Haley lightly. Brooke nodded, eager to accept anything from anyone accepting._

_"I'm locker 271..." she said tentatively. The blonde one glanced at the list._

_"I'm right near there. Come on," he suggested. squeezing Peyton's hand slightly before beckoning Brooke to follow him._

_The two walked in silence for a few feet, overly conscious of the curious stares of the students, wondering what one of the Ravens was doing with the strange new girl._

_"So you and Peyton are together?" asked Brooke cautiously._

_"Yeah. Since last year," he explained._

_"And Nathan and Haley..."_

_"They've been together forever. They got engaged in the summer of grade ten and no one was even weirded out," he explained._

_"They seem really happy."_

_"They are. Nathan's my half brother, and Haley's been my friend my whole life. Peyton was kind of reclusive in middle school, but she and Haley did cheerleading in high school and suddenly they rule the place. Nathan and I are co-captains of the Ravens," he said. She nodded, surprised that so many words had come out at once._

_"So if I try out for cheerleading I have a better chance of not being a social outcast?" she asked._

_"There's not much chance of it."_

_"Why? See something you like?" she asked suggestively. She regretted the words as soon as they escaped her mouth, but he smiled slightly before replying._

_"__Actually, I was thinking it was because of connections you seem to be good at making. But your way works too."_

_She raised her eyebrows in surprise before leaning back on the lockers they arrived at. She smiled as he glanced down at her long, slim legs._

_Boys were so easy..._

* * *

**_Six Months Later_**

_"Do you love me, Lucas?" asked Brooke pointedly. Lucas was silent._

_"If I say I do, then I'm a jerk for betraying my girlfriend. If I say I don't, then it's obvious I don't respect either of you," he said._

_"You respect one of us," said Brooke darkly._

_"I'm sorry."_

_Brooke was silent. It wasn't like they were sleeping together. He was still sleeping with Peyton, and she got her release elsewhere. It was only occasional faked intimacy, stolen kisses._

_"If you love her, what are you doing here with me?" she asked. He didn't have an answer for her. She didn't expect one._

_Brooke looked down, trying to hide her shame._

_"Well. Guess we can't all be naleys."_

_

* * *

_

**_A Few More Years Later_**

_"Have you seen Nathan?" asked Brooke gravely, walking into the apartment that Lucas shared with Peyton. He shook his head, avoiding her eye. They'd stopped their affair years ago but the tension, sexual and otherwise, had never stopped existing between them._

_"I was going to go over. You could come," she suggested, obviously afraid to go alone._

_"Overwhelming him is probably not the best idea. You should go alone," said Lucas._

_"Fine." She glanced up at him and noticed that tears were welling in his blue eyes, a sight she'd never before seen. "What?"_

_"She was my best friend, Brooke. And now she's gone, she's left my brother and she didn't even call me."_

_Brooke slowly moved forward to put her arms around him. As their lips met, in confusion and borrowed pain for one of the ones they loved best, Peyton Sawyer entered the room. After a second that no one saw, of her eyes growing in pain, she turned red and let out a gasp of anger._

_"What the hell?" she demanded. Lucas immediatley broke away fromBrooke and ran to Peyton, who backed away from him._

_"I promise, this just happened, we haven't..." _

_"I alwaysk knew I couldn't trust you," she said wistfully. "Get out."_

_Lucas obediently left the room. Brooke turned cautiously toward her, hoping their long years of friendship would bridge the gap between them._

_"You too, slut."_

_"Fine. I'm gone," she said bitterly, following Lucas out the door._

* * *

**_December 3rd 2020, Tree Hill HighSchool, Tree Hill, North Carolina_**

"I still can't believe you two left in the same week," said Nathan.

"I'm sorry," she whispered, staring down at her manicured nails. After that day and before Deb's funeral, she hadn't so much as stepped foot in Tree Hill, North Carolina.

"So that's what happened. I never got the full scoop before."

"I guess it didn't really matter before."

"I have to go..."

"No you don't. You're not finished telling the story yet," she reminded him.

He sighed. "What do you want to hear next?"

"Something happy."


	5. One Thing Is Clear

**Chapter Five: One Thing is Clear

* * *

**

Author's note: Some of you are confused. I beg of you again, refer to the dates. And sory this took so long to get up.

* * *

**_December 3rd 2020, Tree Hill High School, Tree Hill, North Carolina_**

"Happy? You've seen it all, and they're few and far between, Brooke," said Nathan, the sad, wistful look in his eyes replaced by a harder, ironic one.

"That's bullshit, Nathan. You were the happiest couple I've ever seen, and I've got an inkling that I wasn't there for the best of it," she said.

"This isn't all my problem, Brooke. You can't blame it all on me. Why'd you make out with Lucas, anyway? Why'd you have to ruin it for them?" he demanded.

"He was fine. And a girl needs to know the limits of her power," said Brooke.

"That's insane. You have limits? What the hell are they?"

Brooke raised an eyebrow.

"You, once upon a time. The only thing I've never had for the taking."

Nathan didn't like this, the idea of belonging to someone else. He wanted to belong to himself again. He thought back to the day he'd stopped being his own man, and he'd started possessing her like nothing else in his life.

"I'm not anyone's for the taking, Brooke," he said warningly. She scoffed.

"Please. Tell me honestly that if Haley walked into the room right this second you wouldn't sweep her into your arms and ride off into the sunset." Both stared at the door, though they knew she'd never come.

"If Haley walked in that door..."

Brooke looked down, feeling shameful.

"Yeah. I know."

Nathan reached across the table and put his hand on top of hers. For an instant, he realized that she was what Haley never could be: touchable. There, right in front of him. He was stupid to ignore it.

"Aren't the happy ones more painful?" he asked slowly. She smiled in almost her old way, and for an instant looked like Brooke Davis.

"Not if they make you smile," she said honestly.

* * *

**_April 3rd 1999, The Scott Mansion, Tree Hill, North Carolina_**

_"NATHAN?" Haley's voice ran through the Scott mansion, and she relaxed as she heard heavy footsteps come toward her._

_"Haley!" came a voice in surprise, one that sounded happy to see her. One that was not Nathan's. _

_"Hi Mr. Scott," she said, somewhat awkwardly. She'd been Nathan's girlfriend since the eighth grade and was well aquainted with him, but after her friendship with Lucas it was difficult to be at ease in his presence._

_"How're you doing, Haley? I feel like we haven't seen much of you lately," he said._

_"I guess not," she said, shrugging her bare shoulders._

_"Is everything all right with Nathan? He loves you so much," said Dan honestly. Haley smiled contentedly. _

_"We're great, Mr. Scott."_

_"Well, that's good. Because one of these days I'm always hoping you'll be refer to me as something more familiar," he said, turning away as NAthan ran in the door._

_Haley smiled. Someday, she'd like to call him Dad as well._

_"Hales!" She spun around and fell into his open arms, relishing in the that he loved her. Even if he'd never told her. Even if she'd never told him._

_Hands linked, they went upstairs to his room. She'd been there a thousand times, but somehow it was still unfamiliar territory. Probably because their most significant events had happened elsewhere-mostly in their special place by the river._

_"What were you and Dad talking about?" asked Nathan, moving to his desk, carefully steering clear of the bed to avoid unecessary implications._

_"Us. He's really proud of you, Nathan," said Haley. Nathan looked as if about to say something in retaliation, but stopped as Lucas walked past the room. Ever since Dan had taken in after Karen's death the year before, Dan had mellowed. Or pretended to. No one knew for sure._

_"That all?"_

_Haley stared at the back of his head, bent down slightly. At his loose hoodie with the sleeves rolled up, showing his forearms. Now more grown up looking with dark hair. His jeans and how they cupped the shape of his ass. _

_"No."_

_She'd hoped that her insufficient comment would cause him to turn around, but he did not. He knew where this was going._

_"He said that you loved me."_

_Nathan turned around immediately. Her words had the desired affect._

_"Have you ever doubted it?"_

_Slowly, Haley nodded. He crossed the room in three strides, pulled her in to him by her shoulders and kissed her. Their kiss was passionate, but he broke it off before his hands could travel down her body._

_"I love you, Haley James. I always have," he swore._

_"Will you always?" she asked, her voice small, her eyes large in her slightly tanned face. _

_"Always."_

_"Good. Because I love you, too."_

_Somehow amidst their kisses and a flurry of once forbidden touches, they made it to the bed. As he pulled off the yellow sundress she was wearing, he realized that underneath it she was only wearing her cotton underwear. He smirked and admired her, the parts of her he'd never before seen. As she blushed and made to cover herself, he took her hands in hers and pulled her in to him until their lips again met._

_"I don't know... I won't be... It might..." Nathan's voice was fractured and nervous. She knew. This would probably hurt like hell._

_"Don't. I want everything with you, Nathan. Forever."_

_Awkwardly he lowered her on to the bed. She flinched in surprise as his lips touched her breast before she relaxed and let herself enjoy the sensation._

_Their eyes locked. He used one arm to suppost himself, and wrapped the other around her. She held her breath as her legs opened and he slowly slid in to her._

_As he reached her barrier, he moved past and she gasped involuntarily in pain. His own face attempted to hold back the pleasure he felt, embarrassed that he was enjoying it so much more than she._

_Their eyes met again. Staring down at hers, they seemed to want him to continue. But for his sake and not hers. He withdrew quickly. He sat up and pulled her naked body into his chest, running his hand comfortingly over her back, calming her shattered nerves._

_She tucked her head into his shoulder and buried her face into his warm skin, trying to quench her tears and hide her alarm. He tangled his hand into her long hair._

_"I'm sorry," he said earnestly._

_"I'm fine," she promised._

_"We don't have to..."_

_"It'll get better." _

_He wondered why she was prolonging it. He wanted it, she didn't. She was pretending he did. He was pretending he didn't._

_"I love you," he said again._

_"I know. Always and Forever, right?" she said, sounding almost mocking._

_

* * *

_

**_December 3rd 2020, Tree Hill High School, Tree Hill North Carolina_**

"What, that's your best memory?" asked Brooke in surprise.

"God no. It was terrible. It was weeks before we did it again. I'm glad we did, because it led to much better things. But no, that wasn't my happiest. Not by a long shot."

"And that's where the Always and Forever thing came from... What?"

Brooke looked up to see a genuine smile on his face. He knew it wasn't her he was smiling about, but it made her smile anyway.

"Tell me."

* * *

**_July 23rd 1999, The Scott Manion, Tree Hill, North Carolina_**

_Haley looked up at Nathan as he went around the room looking for his jeans. Only in his boxers, she was slightly aroused. But her arousal was never a good thing. It led to things she still didn't altogether like. _

_"You okay?" he asked. He wasn't so concerned anymore. Maybe he now had all he wanted with her. Maybe it was the beginning of the end._

_When she didn't answer, the turned back to her and scrutinized the blank expression on her face._

_"What's wrong?"_

_She shook her head and attempted to smile._

_"Don't worry. It will get better. And there's more to us than just this," he promised. He sat down next to her and touched his palm to her heart._

_"I'm not worried," she promised. Placing her hand atop his, she leaned forward and lightly kissed him. _

_He pulled away, and she raised her eyebrows slightly. He stared at her for a second. Her light brown hair, almost blonde in the summer, her big brown eyes. He never wanted to be away from those eyes._

_"Nathan..."_

_His name came out of her lips in amazement as he reached into his bedside table and pulled out a small black velvet box._

_"I know this is crazy. And I know you'll say no. But I know above all that I love you, Haley. And I'll wait. We can get married after high school. After college. After everything. I don't care, because I know that this isn't about to go away. I know that this is how it's going to be. Haley James, will you marry me?"_

_He flipped open the box, revealing a small diamond on a gold band. She shut her eyes tightly, tears forming on them._

_"Are you okay?" he asked with trepedation._

_"I'm scared, Nathan."_

_He was silent._

_"I'm scared because I love you. I'm scared because I know you love me and always will, and I don't think I deserve that. I'm scared because the rest of my life is starting right here, right now and I don't know if I can handle that. I'm scared because I know I can't say no, and even more, I don't want to."_

_Tears now rolling down her cheeks, she nodded, a smile breaking on her lips, a laugh escaping them._

_He slid the ring on to her finger and leaned forward to kiss her. He kissed her forehead, her nose and finally her lips._

_

* * *

**December 3rd 2020, Tree Hill High School, North Carolina**_

"So this was what, two months before I got to Tree Hill? I never did understand why she wasn't threatened by my," said Brooke.

"She had no reason to be."

"Does she now?" asked Brooke.

Nathan stared out the window. This was where the story was good. After this, it got much, much more complicated.


	6. The Ties That Bind

**Chapter Six: The Ties That Bind**

**_3rd December 2020, Tree Hill High School, Tree Hill, North Carolina_**

"I don't know how to tell you the next part," he said slowly.

"You don't..."

"No, I do. I've been pretending it hasn't happened for ten years. It did happen, and we can't go back from it," said Nathan.

"For what it's worth, she definitely wishes she could," said Brooke softly.

"How do you know that?" asked Nathan.

"What do you mean, how do I know?" asked Brooke, looking down. "You know it, too."

* * *

**_8th November 2008, Between Tree Hill and New York_**

_Nathan was surprisingly upbeat as he drove across the state to New York City to find Haley. After a year of seperation, he was getting his life back. His wife back. Whatever._

_He even smiled as the radio played one of her songs. The radio of the car that they'd bought together, of the car that she'd soon be sitting in, beside him, on their way back home. _

_This thought, however difficult it might be to bring about, was enough to keep him going._

_After entering the city, he realized reluctantly that he'd first have to go see his father. After all, after seeing Haley, he didn't plan on surfacing from her apartment for days. Better to get it over with with Dan._

_His father had moved out to the city a few years previously, after seeing Nathan happily marry his dream girl and get settled in Tree Hill._

_Nathan had only gone to see him once before, but he found the address with very little difficulty. He winked at the receptionist as he passed her. All other women had lost their appeal to him. He was glad he'd be able to stop suffering soon._

_After knocking, he let himself into his father's apartment. He looked around. Dan had done well for himself. The apartment was immaculate and tastefully decorated. His eyes hovered on the perfectly ordered CD collection, the curtains covering the windows. Clearly Dan did not live here alone._

"_Dad?" he called out. _

_He made his way toward the bedroom. He turned away in disgust as he opened the door-astride his middle aged father was a young girl with long blonde hair flowing down her back, rocking her hips rythmically. Nathan rolled his eyes. The girly stuff in the main room, the locked doors. It all fit._

"_Dad," he said again. The girl stopped and slowly turned around. Nathan's mouth dropped open in horror as he met the liquid brown eyes of the girl on top of him._

"_Nathan?" she said in wonderment._

"_Haley?"_

_

* * *

_

**_December 3rd 2020, Tree Hill High School, Tree Hill, North Carolina_**

"Dear God," said Brooke under her breath, looking disgusted in his behalf.

"Yeah. I know."

"How could she do that?" she wondered.

"I don't know," said Nathan.

"You know I used to kick Lucas' ass for brooding so much, but for you it's totally justified," said Brooke, hoping it would make him smile.

"Ass."

"He's not," said Brooke defensively.

"He is. For fooling around behind Peyton's back, for not being a man about it when she found out, for all but abandoning Haley when she chose me."

"Haley will always choose you. Lucas never figured this out," said Brooke softly.

"Yeah. Maybe then. Not anymore."

Silently, Brooke couldn't help but agree.

* * *

**_15th November 2008, New York City, New York_**

_Nathan slowly rose in his car as he saw Haley and Dan exit their apartment (their apartment. How wrong was that?) a week later. By turning off his phone he'd managed to break all contact with them, but it didn't stop him from keeping an eye on them. He didn't care if he was being pathetic. This wasn't even the beginning of pathetic._

_He slipped out of his car and followed them down the street. On the crowded street, there was no danger of being caught. He watched as Dan put his arm around Haley's shoulders and held her close, as he led them places, as he glared menacingly at any man who looked at her, or looked at them in surprise. He was possessive. Had Nathan ever been possessive? Hadn't he the right?_

_He listened in horror as he heard Haley's laugh ring. Her smile didn't reach her eyes, but her laugh was all there. Even without him. Apparently, she had the will to go on alone._

_Of course, she wasn't truly alone. And by the look of the ring on her left hand, she never would be again._

_

* * *

_

**_December 3rd 2020, Tree Hill High School, North Carolina_**

Brooke looked uncomfortably down at her ring finger, and the diamond that sparkled on it. Some days it was painfully obvious how thoroughly she'd stolen another woman's man.

* * *

**_November 15th 2020, The Apartment of Dan and Haley Scott, New York City, New York_**

_Nathan continued to watch as Dan dropped Haley off in front of their apartment, kissed her and went off by himself. She ran into the lobby, and he watched her through the glass windows as she disappeared into the elevator._

_Nathan walked in and calmly told the doorman that he was the son of Mr. Scott. He made his own way up the elevator, and again entered the apartment._

"_Dan?" came a voice. Nathan wondered what their life together was like. He wondered if he could vanquish it._

_Haley appeared in the hall, wearing jeans and her bra. He devoured her with his gaze while she stared at him in shock._

"_Nathan?"_

"_Are you going to marry him?" he demanded._

"_Get out of here. You have no right..." she began._

"_Shut up. I want answers. Are you, Haley?" he asked again._

"_No. I can't," she said. He approached her swiftly and grasped her shoulders. She winced, but he did not release her._

"_Why not, Hales?" he asked._

"_Because I can't."_

"_You're still married to me," he said._

"_No I'm not," she argued._

"_You're still mine." In one movement, his mouth was on hers, demanding entry. He pushed her backward into a wall and followed her, pressing their bodies up together. _

"_Nathan, don't. Go," she said firmly._

"_No."_

"_I don't love you anymore," she said. "I love him."_

"_You do not."_

_He hand slipped between their bodies and unzipped her zipper. She groaned as he touched her._

"_I think you still want me, Haley."_

_She struggled weakly against him. His hands touched her nipples, straining through the thin fabric of her bra. Pressed up against him she fould feel his stomach muscles, and the evidence of his need of her. _

"_Let go."_

"_I'm never letting go," he promised. She returned his kiss, though her mind was screaming out to her not to. He took her left hand in his and yanked off her diamond engagment ring. She let her eyes slide close, as though experiencing a sense of release. _

_He swept her in to his arms. She knew that if he'd let her stay standing a moment longer she'd lose her balance. It was all too much._

_He kicked open the bedroom door (Dan's. Haley was certain he'd done it intentionally.) and dropped her on the bed. He followed her quickly, covering her lips with this before she could let conscious thought invade their moment._

"_You want this," he said accusingly. He felt her warm flesh, kissed the areas of her that he hadn't touched in so long. _

"_No. No, it's wrong."_

_He captured her wrists and forcefully kissed her._

"_Say it."_

"_I want you." Her denial swept away, he released her and she immediately put her hands on him again, unwilling to lose contact with his flesh._

"_I'm not giving up."_

_Her eyes slid closed in bliss as he entered her. Finally, after a year, he was at peace. He held her close as he surged inside of her. He kissed her comfortingly, remembering the girl she'd been. _

_Haley watched from the edge of the bed as Nathan dressed again. Hours later, years later. They'd done it again and again, over and over, unable to stop. _

"_Are you leaving?" she asked._

"_Guess I have to."_

"_I..."_

"_I know." He dropped down onto his knees, linked his hands around her waist and kissed her tenderly._

"_It's your turn next, Hales."_

_

* * *

_

**_December 3rd 2020, Tree Hill High School, Tree Hill, North Carolina._**

"You actually did that?" asked Brooke, looking at him in surprise.

"Yeah. Was it wrong?"

"Actually sounded kind of hot," said Brooke helpfully. He smiled.

"Hope she thought so too."

"I don' t know how she could have... after that..." said Brooke, gradually trailing off.

"I'm sure there was a reason," said Nathan.

"For fucking your father?" she demanded.

"Don't, Brooke," he said, suddenly looking weary.


	7. I Never Promised You

Chapter Seven: I Never Promised You'd

* * *

Author's note: Thanks for being so patient with me, guys. I'm writing a non-fanfic story right now in addition to this and BtS, and between all of them I have exams, so I'm somewhat swamped. But this story has only two chapters left, and all of it will be hopefully fairly shocking. And after this instead of being a good girl and focusing on Bts, I'm starting something new. Something which will revisit my most popular story, which I hope all of you miss as much as I do. Also, in preperation for this chapter, I advise you to reread hte flashbacks of chapter one.

* * *

_December 3rd 2020, Tree Hill High School, Tree Hill, North Carolina_

"I'm guessing you know what happens next?" asked Nathan listlessly. Brooke nodded wordlessly.

"Do I have to hear about it?" she asked.

"I don't think this is about you anymore," said Nathan.

"Then what is it about? You? Your growth? What, will getting it out in the open fix everything, make you finally able to let her go, let you get on with your life? Face it Nathan, you're bitter. You've put her on this pedestal, made her perfect, and now she isn't around us to prove herself. And nothing we could do can change that," said Brooke bitterly. Nathan stared at her for a second.

"I was never certain I couldn't love you, Brooke. I was willing to."

"No you weren't. It was just easier to pretend you were, so you didn't have to face that your life revolved around wishing desperately that she'd somehow find her way back to you," snapped Brooke.

"She won't. And it wouldn't matter. We're married, Brooke. I can't just give up on that." Brooke looked up at her husband, hopeful for a second.

"Yes you could. If you really thought it was possible, you would in a second."

* * *

**_June 21st, 2009_**

"_So there's been a lot of media attention on you guys, in particular because of your age gap. Do you have anything you'd like to comment on about that?" asked a perkly blonde reporter._

_Nathan watched in interest as Haley opened her mouth to speak but was silence effortlessly by Dan._

"_Love doens't have anything to do with numbers. As soon as I saw her, I knew it was real, and that's all that matters," said Dan proudly. Haley took his hand and squeezed it._

_Nathan shook his head in disgust. Dan was re writing history. Dan had first seen Haley, as his son's girlfriend, when they'd been about fourteen years old. Had he planned it even then, to go through with whatever he was planning, to ruin everyone's life? To inflict his emotional rape on Haley, his torture on Nathan. _

"_Anything else, Miss James?" asked the reporter._

"_What can I say? Who could not?" she asked, winking at the camera and leaning into Dan. Nathan shook his head again. This girl, this flirtatious, evocative girl, was not his Haley. His Haley was herself, quiet yet unpredictable, beautiful and natural. _

_He watched as the scene turned to black and focused again on a large crowd outside a church._

"_This is the one and only exclusive coverage of the wedding of Haley Elise James and Dan Scott. Keep watching for their own thoughts, and for a sneek peak at the ceremony!"_

_Nathan turned off his phone as Lucas called. Neither of the two of them were at the ceremony. Dan was quite effectively pretending that the two did not exist. Nathan would challenge it, bring up his marriage, ruin his father, if he was not terrifed of ruining his love in the process._

"_And we're back, with a behind the scenes interview with Haley James," said the perky announcer. Nathan's eyes grew large as the camera focused on Haley, in her white gown, her hair tied back, looking immaculate and beautiful. Less beautiful than she'd looked at their own wedding, when her smile had reached her eyes, but more together. More grown up. More of a woman. He wondered why he'd let her stay. Why he'd let her go. Why he hadn't tried, infintely harder, to hold on to the only thing that had ever mattered to him._

"_So, are the rumours true? Have you approached marriage the Jessica Simpson way?" asked the reporter. Nathan sat back in revoltion as she realized what they meant. Haley blushed._

"_Yes. It's always what I planned to do. It's the best thing you can give to someone, to give yourself fully to them when you've been bound emotionally," said Haley. Nathan shivered. He knew that Haley had "given herself emotionally" to men besides him, but he always reconciled it with the fact that he'd been first. After all this, he was beginning to wonder if he'd dreamt it all._

"_That's beautiful."_

"_Thanks. All of this is, and I owe it all to him. I feel blessed," said Haley. Nathan watched as she made the perfect, quoteable lines. He imagined them the next day, in newspapers all over the country. He wanted to turn of the TV, to escape, but there was nowhere to escape to._

"_Mr. Scott, are you nervous?" probed the reporter. Nathan stared at his father in disgust. Dan was wearing a designer suit, and had a rose in his buttonhole. With one look in his eyes, Nathan knew there was no way that Haley loved him better. Or that he loved Haley better._

"_I'm about to pledge my life to the woman I love. What's to be nervous about that?" asked Dan genially._

"_And here I thought you were a commited bachelor," said the woman, laughing._

"_Oh, I was. And then I found here, and it was all over," said Dan._

"_I can tell. I've never seen two people more in love," she said. Nathan rolled his eyes. Had anyone but him and Haley ever lived in the real world? It seemed doubtful._

_He imagined his mother, watching the scenes in horror. He imagined Lucas, at home with his wife, feeling sorry for Nathan. He imagined Brooke, not understanding any of it. But he didn't feel sorry for them. He was far, far too busy feeling sorry for himself. _

_The shots alternated. Haley in her wedding dress, smiling at the camera through the mirror as she put on her earrings. Dan looking through the notes of his speech in his pocket. Haley with her bridesmaids, Dan with his best man. The church full of excited guests. The crowded city street outside._

_Was anyone else's heart breaking? Was there room for anything else in the world right then?_

_Nathan watched in fascinated horror as Haley made her way up the aisle. He knew she'd hate this, these moments of her life being taped. He knew there was a reason she was doing it._

_He knew, he knew, that she wasn't doing it by choice._

"_Haley, I didn't know how I was going to explain it to you. What about you that makes me lose my breath when you enter the room, what about me that can't get enough of you. I can't. I don't know if I ever could. But I think you know anyways. And I think you know why I asked you, Haley. It's not because I want you. My wanting you wouldn't get in the way of us being together, even if someday in the future I didn't. Because it's because I need you, Haley. Need you like I need oxygen. I love you more than life. I always will. And I think that's the only thing I do know how to say."_

_They were his words. His. Actually, they were hers. This was his speech, that belonged to him and Haley, and united them. Dan had no right. Dan never would. _

_Nathan turned off the television in fury, unable to watch the woman he'd always love become forever apart from him._

_Somehow, he'd find the strenght to go on._

_

* * *

_

**_December 3rd 2020, Tree Hill High School, Tree Hill, North Carolina_**

"You know, if that wasn't the creepiest couple in existence, that story would be almost cute," said Brooke. Nathan frowned and looked down.

"Did you see the rest of the coverage?" asked Brooke.

Nathan looked up again, and for once the muscles in his face relaxed into a smile.

"No. As it turned out, I never had to."


	8. A Ray of Light

**Chapter Eight: A Ray of Light**

Brooke silently excused herself from the room. She tried to remember how she'd led herself here, to sitting across from Nathan, hearing him talk about Haley as if no one else existed.

She remembered what had led her to this moment, to this hallway. To sitting across a man who she was falling in love with, despite her best intentions, despite all reason.

She didn't know how this had happened to her. She'd loved both Scott boys, in her own way, but had never imagined marrying either one of them, or carrying their child. It was so unbelievable.

Hearing him talk about Haley made it even more so.

Wishing desperately to escape from his memories, she trailed off into her own.

* * *

**_October 18th 2019, Las Angeles, California_**

_Brooke Davis frowned as she attempted to sketch a new design in one of her drawing pads. She'd been trying to get back on track all day, but had been troubled by naseau again and again._

_She ran to the bathroom and vomited into the toilet. She stared at herself in the mirror for a second, examined her skin, her eyes. She was thirty-one, but still felt and looked pretty much the same, except for the feeling of growing dread, deep inside of her._

_An hour later, she let her eyes slid close and sunk down to the floor. It was over. Her life, the one she'd spent the last ten years making for herself, was finished. She'd have to admit defeat. Have to admit that after it all, after ruining absolutely everyone's life in one fell swoop, that she needed them after all._

_She glanced down once again at the pink strip on the small plastic test. Yes, it was really there. She wasn't lying to herself, because she no longer could._

_Three days later, she made her way across the country to Tree Hill North Carolina. It had only been here home for two years, but somehow was her home still. Somehow, despite that she wanted to stay away forever, it was the only place she wanted to be in._

_Somewhere, miles above the land, she shed her makeup. She cleaned off her cover up, her lipstick, she shed her long, fabulous earrings. She had to prove to someone, or maybe herself, that she could do this. That she no longer had to be her old self._

_For an instant, she hoped desperately that Lucas no longer lived in Tree Hill. That she could not handle._

_Her feet led her to the home of Nathan and Haley. After a painful twinge, she reminded herself that it was merely the home of Nathan, as much as the idea revolted her._

_She let herself inside and dropped onto a sofa. She was still staring at the door when Nathan arrived an hour later. He began to make his way toward her, instincts still letting himself love his friend of so many years._

_She stood, and he instantly stopped._

"_I'm pregnant, Nate."_

_He looked away, to the basketball on the floor, to the skateboard propped up in the corner._

_He said the only words he knew how to say just then.  
_

"_Do you want to get married?"_

_

* * *

_

**_December 3rd 2020, Tree Hill High School, Tree Hill, North Carolina_**

Brooke dried her tears and slowly made her way back to Nathan's office. She didn't truly regret it all. She couldn't.

She wondered what Nathan was thinking about when she finally returned. He was not thinking of her. Was he ever? Maybe he had, before she'd returned to his life. Back when she was a wishful, elusive memory of his.

"Tell me the end," she demanded.

"No."

"Why not?" she demanded. He stared as tears began to flow down her cheeks, as she fell into the chair in front of his desk, as her eyes opened wildly and she entreated him silently. "I need to know. I need it to be over, Nathan. I know it's about you and I'm sorry, but I need it for me. I need it to be over."

"One thing comes before the end. Just one," he promised, looking, for the first time that afternoon, to be sorry for her.

"What?" she asked desperately.

"The new beginning."

* * *

**_June 21st, 2009, Tree Hill, North Carolina_**

_Nathan had expected him to stay in for the rest of the day, get drunk and fall into a dreamless sleep. It would be ideal. Much better than thinking of his father, and of the only woman he'd ever loved. Anything, anything, was better than thinking about that._

_He found himself at "their" place, on the enclosed riverbank. He wondered if Haley and Dan had a place. He wondered if Haley was thinking about him._

_He wondered if she had ever loved him as much as he loved her._

_He was going backwards. He remembered the song she'd been singing the first time he'd met her here, the taste of her lips on their first kiss. Yes, he'd always remember._

_Footsteps didn't alert him. Nothing did, in this world. He didn't live in the present, with the people who loved him. He lived in the past with a girl who'd loved him once._

"_Nathan."_

_Her voice wasn't strong. Her voice was barely there. Nathan could barely force himself to turn around. It he didn't, he could pretend to himself that it was only his imagintion. If he did turn around, it would break his heart again. But his name came again."_

"_Nathan."_

_He slowly turned. She was there, the ends of her wedding dress gradually growing muddy. Her hair tied up elegantly, the ring on her finger._

"_How'd you know I'd be here?" asked Nathan softly, watching her._

"_How'd I know how to come here?" she repeated._

"_Because I'm always here?" asked Nathan._

"_Because I always am, too. Here with you."_

_He took a tentative step toward her, as if expecting her to vanish. He wondered what had happened with Dan, if anything would come of this. He remembered the last time he'd seen her. The passionate, painful sex. He wondered why he'd let her go._

"_Why'd you do it, Haley?" he asked. Haley, Haley, Haley. He missed saying her name out loud._

"_I had to."_

"_Do you still love me?" he asked._

"_I could tell you every day for the rest of my life, Nathan. I could tell you, I could show you, I could tell the world. But I don't know how I could ever make you truly believe it. I love you."_

_His hands were on her. His lips in her hair, his hands on her back, his tears in his eyes. His desperately touched the satin of her gown, needing to remember her again, to lose himself in the best dream he'd ever had._

"_It's not a dream, it's real," she promised in a whisper. He wondered if he'd said his thoughts out loud, or if she'd read them. _

"_It has to be."_

_She pulled back slightly and offered her hand to him. He looked at the diamond on her finger, shining brightly._

_Slowly he reached for it. He slowly slid it off her finger and let it fall to the ground. For an instant he considered selling it, to earn money to buy her a new one. In the next instant, he hoped it would sink into the ground and be lost forever._

_Finally, letting himself believe, he kissed her. _

"_Come back to me," he begged. She kissed back, needing him, knowing how much he loved her and believing that she'd always love him more, as he believed of himself._

"_I never left," she promised. She remembered their first time, in Nathan's bedroom. Their wedding night, the night she'd left him, the night he'd come to her._

_This was different. This was better. This contained no regrets._

_It never would._

_

* * *

**  
December 3rd 2020, Tree Hill High School, Tree Hill, North Carolina**_

"Did you ever find out what he had over her?" asked Brooke, breathless and anticipating.

"No. Never. She left me so soon after," he said sadly. Brooke rolled her eyes, impatient with it all for the first time in years.

"For God's sake Nathan, she didn't **leave** you. She **died.** She's still **with** you!"


	9. Love of Mine, I'll Be Close Behind

**_C_hapter Nine: Love of Mine, I'll Be Close Behind  
**

* * *

Author's note: Thanks for reading, we're officially at the end. Thanks for not slaughtering me when I deserved it, hope it's worth it. And don't worry, my endings will stop being sad with my next story.

* * *

**_December 3rd 2010, Tree Hill General Hospital, Tree Hill, North Carolina_**

_"Nate?" came a weak, strained voice from the bed. Nathan immediately turned around and dropped into the chair by her head, and took her hand in his._

_"How are you doing?" he asked._

_"You know how I'm doing, Nate," she said, her eyes attempting to focus on him._

_"You think that'll stop me? I'll follow you. I'll always follow you," he promised, kissing the back of her hand._

_"You think I don't know it?"_

_"We have a son, Haley. He's perfect."_

_"I know. I'll be watching, I promise," she said, her eyes sliding closed._

_"Haley?" he asked, his voice pannicked._

_He moved from the chair to her bed, and took her slight, fragile body into his arms. "Haley."_

_"I'm not... leaving you. Right... beside you. Always," she promised, her voice fading. He kissed the top of her head, and his tears streamed into her hair._

_"Stay with me..."_

_Her last words were so quiet, that ever after he'd wonder if he'd truly heard them._

_"And forever..."_

* * *

**_December 3rd 2020, Tree Hill Cemetary, Tree Hill, North Carolina_**

"That's beautiful," said Brooke. Nathan nodded slowly, smiling to himself, knelt on the grass and traced the engraving on the tombstone with his finger.

_Haley Elise James-Scott. July 18th, 1988-December 3rd, 2010. Beloved wife and mother._

"Ten years ago today," remarked Brooke, glancing worriedly down at him. He slowly stood as he heard a familiar call echo through the graveyard. He slipped an arm around Brooke and kissed her temple as he felt a kick on her large, round stomach. He smiled.

The wind whistled through the trees, and Nathan's smile widened. He knew she was there.

Nathan fished his phone out of his pocket as it ran. Brooke looked in interest as Nathan smiled.

"Hey, Lucas. Thanks for calling. Yeah, I'm fine. Brooke and I are at the cemetary and Harrison's about to join us."

"Yeah. How're Peyton and the kids?" Brooke flashed a dimply smile before squeezing her husband's hand again. Nathan hung up.

"I want you to know I'm going to try to do better. Haley has to stay in the past."

"She won't. She'll stay with us. I can handle that," said Brooke.

"Dad?" came the call again. Nathan smiled as the boy came running toward them and stopped just as his feet reached the edge of her grave.

"Hey Dad. Hey Brooke." The boy glanced down at the marble tombstone. "Hey Mom."

Nathan smiled proudly and brought his wife closer in to his arms.

"Hey Harrison," she said.

"Hi son."

Nathan put his hand on his son's shoulder, and the three of them turned to make their way out of the cemetary. Harrison slid his hand into his father's.

"I think I know what we should call this one," said Brooke thoughtfully as the three left, her hand resting lightly on her stomach.

_She watched them, as she always watched them. She smiled when her son smiled. As a fresh bout of laughter rose and reached her ears, she wished with all her heart that they could be the family that she could never have._

_Because she didn't need to wish for the other thing. Because she knew, without question, that he would never forget her._

**_The End _**


End file.
